halfbaked thoughts of god

this poem is not done. but i added a stanza 2/18/03 after exactly 51 weeks of ignoring it. woo! progress!

like a toddler under a christmas tree
i can't help but shake pandora's box
rethinking all these parables
our lord uses when he talks

my gramma often gave me
a dollar for the collection plate
with no food at home it paid for
those holy crackers that i ate

bright eyed, five years old
in a gaudy sunday dress
i didn't hear him asking
when they told me to say yes

i remember my dads funeral
was a staunch catholic affair
where somehow all that chanting
drowned out my simple prayer

out somewhere there's a god
nurturing each soul
with karma, luck and circumstance
each playing a role

like a sword hitting fire
we are strengthened by each test
after years of growing
he puts us down to rest

just like a fairy tale
happily ever after
i could see that fate was smiling
but i couldn’t hear the laughter

quite unexpectedly
life has thrown a curve
suddenly i find myself
with more than i deserve

i vaguely remember
the thrill of the chase
the resolve of defeat
the wind in my face

my cup overflowing
has taken its toll
a sudden lack of pressure
turning diamonds back to coal

overcook this theory
until none of it makes sense
my baggage makes a useful counterweight
as i walk along the fence.

if i were god, i'd show my face
to stop this insanity before
the next round of martyrs orphans
grows up to carry on the holy war

swirling, churning, hit the ground
like new years eve confetti
by now dontcha think there'd be
enough angels up there already?

unused stanzas, might get thrown in later or put in a different poem

in heaven they say
the streets are all gold
no problems, no sorrows
or at least so i'm told

i was there for a while
but then i got bored
bliss, you see like pain
will fade to a dull roar

the fat pastor wears a rolex
and he warns of gluttony
he tells us if we serve him
it will somehow set us free

how sending his own son
to martyr and crucify
would somehow clear the slate
when mortals steal and lie

he must have thought it over
perhaps now its just too late
but sending down a martyr
has made a lot of hate