Need a push?

Need a push?

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning.

"I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.

Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize that the man was drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?"

"No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed", says the man and slams the door.

He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"

"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.

"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push??"

And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"

The drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."

KKK

The KKK wanted to improve their image to the general public, so they signed up for the adopt a highway program. Afraid many motorists would be offended seeing the sign with their name on it, the DOT declined their request.

After a lengthy court battle it was decided that the KKK had the right to participate in the road clean-up program.

Passers by were startled by them standing out there in full costume picking up debris, but there was nothing that could be done because they won their case. Despite their very visible efforts there was still garbage all over their section of the freeway.

Because they weren't keeping the road clean, the DOT was able to revoke their participation in the program. The official finding: they were only picking up the white trash.

Not Again!

One day a blonde and a brunette were watching the 6:00 evening news. On the news was a boy at the top of a building getting ready to jump. The blonde says out loud "I don't think he will jump."

The brunette responds by saying "I'll bet you $5 he will jump."

"Well I bet you $50 he won't jump," the blonde retorts.

"You're on!!" says the brunette.

After some time the boy finally jumps. The blonde pays up. As the brunette is walking out the door she turns around and says "I can't take this money from you. I saw the whole thing on the 5:00 evening news."

The blonde says "So did I, but I didn't think he would do it again."