On a bar of Dial bath soap...
Directions: Use like regular soap.
On a bag of Fritos...
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a Korean kitchen knife...
Warning: Keep out of children.
On a package of Sunmaid raisins...
Why not try tossing over your favorite breakfast cereal?
The pilot says, "I'm the most important man on this plane because I can report the crash." So he takes a parachute and jumps off.
The smartest man in the world says, "I'm the second most important man on this plane because my head is so full of important knowledge." So he takes a parachute a jumps off."
The minister says, "Go ahead, lad, and take the last parachute. I'm old and ready to die."
The boyscout says, "That won't be necessary sir, because you see the smartest man in the world just jumped off with my backpack."
"Let's see if Jesus has fared any better," God says. Jesus pulls up his screen and shows God a vivid display as the voices of an angelic choir resound from the speakers. Satan is shocked. "But how?" he cries. "I lost everything, but Jesus' program is intact? How did he do it?" God laughed. "Everyone knows...Jesus saves."
God replied, "One minute."
The man asked, "God, how much is one million dollars to you?"
Then God said, "One penny."
"God, can I have one penny?"
"Just one minute." was God's reply.