Product Saftey Warnings

Here are some REMARKABLY STUPID directions from real products...

On a bar of Dial bath soap...
Directions: Use like regular soap.

On a bag of Fritos...
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a Korean kitchen knife...
Warning: Keep out of children.

On a package of Sunmaid raisins...
Why not try tossing over your favorite breakfast cereal?

Tough Decisions

There was an airplane with 4 people on it -- the pilot, a minister, the smartest man in the world, and a boyscout. The plane starts to go down, but there were only 3 parachutes.

The pilot says, "I'm the most important man on this plane because I can report the crash." So he takes a parachute and jumps off.

The smartest man in the world says, "I'm the second most important man on this plane because my head is so full of important knowledge." So he takes a parachute a jumps off."

The minister says, "Go ahead, lad, and take the last parachute. I'm old and ready to die."

The boyscout says, "That won't be necessary sir, because you see the smartest man in the world just jumped off with my backpack."

Christian Computing

Jesus and Satan are sitting around in the world between, having an argument over who is the better programmer. They discuss this for several hours until they agree to hold a contest, with God as the judge. Sitting at their computers, they begin typing furiously, lines of code filling up the screens, for almost three hours. Seconds before the contest is to end a bolt of lightning takes out the electricity. A few moments later, power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show him his programming. Visibly upset, Satan says, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."

"Let's see if Jesus has fared any better," God says. Jesus pulls up his screen and shows God a vivid display as the voices of an angelic choir resound from the speakers. Satan is shocked. "But how?" he cries. "I lost everything, but Jesus' program is intact? How did he do it?" God laughed. "Everyone knows...Jesus saves."

Perspective

Once there was this man who was walking around and he said, "God, how much is one million years to you?"

God replied, "One minute."

The man asked, "God, how much is one million dollars to you?"

Then God said, "One penny."

"God, can I have one penny?"

"Just one minute." was God's reply.